How to quit your bad habits

As the calendar inches closer to New Year's Day, we're all setting goals: work out more, be kinder, quit smoking. If you've ever resolved to give something up, you know how hard it can be. In Unhooked: How to Quit Anything, authors Dr. Frederick Woolverton and Susan Shapiro teach that what's holding you back from successfully quitting lies far below the surface of your habits themselves. When you take stock of yourself and understand what's behind your addictions, you're on your way to breaking them for good.

Why are our bad habits often so hard to quit — even when we know they're bad for us?
Dr. Frederick Woolverton: Substances should be seen through the lens of what "helps" us, not what hurts us. While it is true that substances hurt us in all of the obvious ways, what is very often overlooked is how they "help." They help in ways that often no other outside source of comfort, soothing and calming exists. Most frequently, people who use substances suffer from big feelings that they cannot contain or reduce to a size that is bearable. They are unable to live in their own skin. This can be because of genetics or early experiences. An addict feels deeply out of balance, that he has no sense at all of inner equilibrium. The substance chosen to be "abused" is exactly what reduces the size of unbearable feelings. Substances are "self-medication" that make life bearable. Therefore, the good that derives from substances far outweighs the bad, even though from any outside perspective it seems exactly the opposite.

Susan Shapiro: In therapy with Dr. Woolverton I analyzed why I started smoking at age 13. I'd been unhappy, overweight, antsy and socially awkward. One summer I went away and started smoking. I lost 20 pounds, felt happier and cooler, looked better, discovered boys and dating and was able to focus more on writing poetry. It felt like a miracle. I fell in love with Kiss cigarettes -- they felt like a combination diet pill, anxiety soother, oral fixation satisfier, A.D.D medication, best friend and loyal confidante. Dr. Woolverton says, "addicts depend on substances, not people," and I realized for 27 years, cigarettes were always there for me, 40 times a day. It was my longest intimate relationship.